Tired X

Recently I realized that I've no longer been writing the thoughts in my head In their raw form. I've been cutting and pasting and covering up and embellishing certain parts of my thoughts with an audience in mind and posting the finished product here. It new. It's weird. This post will be my best effort to not give my best effort to write for an audience. This is a post for me. Please don't judge me. I'll try my best not to feel self conscious.

So sometimes I think I'm a really horrible person. Like right now. For ages and ages I've had this really pretty, really nice friend who I've been wanting to get closer to. To get to know better. But, you know, they have their friends and I have my friends and then we are friends but not as close. But then suddenly they start reaching out to me, almost trying to show they want to be better friends to and instead of being happy and blissful like any other teenager would be in this situation, I don't think of this as a dream come true.

I speculate as to whether or not they are reaching out to me so they can have me as their foil. Like those less pretty girls that really pretty, really mean girls tote around in chick flicks.

I'm horrible. Sometimes I just hate how horrible I am I want to throw up. But I would never throw up for something as petty as this for that is a waste of food and time that I just don't want to deal with.

And I think the saddest part about what u just said is that I stated that these types of issues are petty. It's like admitting to myself that I'm just some shallow teenage girl who cares about appearances and rankings and popularity etc. and maybe I am.

Maybe I'm just shallow.

Sigh. This is turning out to be such a depressing blog post but I don't really care. Oh well.

You know what I hate?? When the insides if your eyelids get itchy. You just keep blinking because scratching it is out of the question, but blinking doesn't have much friction due to all the eyeball juices keeping my eyes moisturized.

Moisturized is such a weird word doeeeeeeeeeeeeee. So is doee. So is so.

Sosiso.

Zozizo.

X-O-X-O.

Let's go--wait no.

Ah mo~ IKOU!

Bed time, deshou?