Tired XII and Anime IX and Endings V

Okay. No phone sucks.

It was my fault, I know, I wasn't giving a positive enough attitude and went to do my homework before I finished with the dishes, but still...

No phone sucks buns.

I can't stand this. I can't do homework on the run, can't use my five-consecutive-alarm system to wake up in the morning, can't read ebooks (and I was in the middle of a good one), can't check my schedule/family calendar without a computer (which I'm forced to leave at home... not that it does much without the internet), and can't watch anime. I can't contact my parents or my friends or anyone unless I'm in a building with an accessible phone or near a person with a phone they might let me use. Basically I'm a lonely island when I'm walking to different places in town, something I realized today. I lost access to all of my reminders for work, homework, blogging, anime, sophomore research project, picking up the boys etc. and I hate it.

I hate this so much I'm practically going insane.

I swear though, if someone asks me what I'm most afraid of right now, the answer will always be not getting my phone back. Not eating is in second place. That's how bad it's getting.

I'm mentally physically and emotionally exhausted, my sleep pattern is completely screwed over and I still have no idea how to give someone a positive attitude when I'm so fricking pissed at them. Seriously, if someone was as mad as I am at me, I'd take no attitude and robot speak instead of sass any day.

Try it sometime. Smiling uses less muscles then a frown, but it takes a shitload more effort for sure.

Tired XI and Anime IX

Okay so it's been a really really REALLY long time since I blogged and I feel totally and utterly .... Sad (for lack of a better word) about it. So first off I'm reaaaaaaaly sorry.

I'm also really tired (which is part of the reason I've been silent for so long) so I figured I'd give a status update. Actually I just want to give a status update cuz it looks easy and fun. Whatever.

So-- PROPOSALS ARE DONE!! Submitted. Finished. The pressure is off my chest for a few months (hopefully). Also, the spring animes haven't let me down yet. No game no life is still the best tho.

Also, my GPA went up a point!! (Yay me) I am no longer at risk of a B average.

~(^_^~)

And summer is coming. Another plus. However this means I have to clean out my entire closet (again) and sort through ALL my clothes (again) and go into the attic (again) to put my summer stuff in my closet.

There's also the matter of shorts in school. None of my shorts follow the dress code. They're all way to short. Well, not that short really. They usually reach to the base of my thumb (I think) but never to my fingertips. So mi madre won't let me wear them to school. Sigh.

I'm gonna havta wear jeans thru June by this point. (Ughhhhhhhhh)

BUT! I got a new swim suit so it all evens out in the end.

AND FRENCH IS STAYING!!!! They talked about it at the PFA (PTA? Idk) meeting and decided to keep such an awesome language after all. YAY PARENTS.

Aaaaaaaaand that's about all I can think of right now.

OH! English homework.... English homework....


TEN THINGS I SHOULD HAVE LEARNED BY NOW a list by Maya Kelly Y. Ghosh

Not to talk back to my parents.

How to control my facial expressions.

To eat at regular intervals so as to avoid random stomach rumbling.

To do my homework before I sleep (or watch anime).

To make an effort to hang out with my friends more often.

To make an effort to get out if the house more often.

To make an effort to get out of bed more often.

To make an effort.

To sleep at night.

To grow boobs.


AIGHT IM DONE BAIIII~~

Tired X

Recently I realized that I've no longer been writing the thoughts in my head In their raw form. I've been cutting and pasting and covering up and embellishing certain parts of my thoughts with an audience in mind and posting the finished product here. It new. It's weird. This post will be my best effort to not give my best effort to write for an audience. This is a post for me. Please don't judge me. I'll try my best not to feel self conscious.

So sometimes I think I'm a really horrible person. Like right now. For ages and ages I've had this really pretty, really nice friend who I've been wanting to get closer to. To get to know better. But, you know, they have their friends and I have my friends and then we are friends but not as close. But then suddenly they start reaching out to me, almost trying to show they want to be better friends to and instead of being happy and blissful like any other teenager would be in this situation, I don't think of this as a dream come true.

I speculate as to whether or not they are reaching out to me so they can have me as their foil. Like those less pretty girls that really pretty, really mean girls tote around in chick flicks.

I'm horrible. Sometimes I just hate how horrible I am I want to throw up. But I would never throw up for something as petty as this for that is a waste of food and time that I just don't want to deal with.

And I think the saddest part about what u just said is that I stated that these types of issues are petty. It's like admitting to myself that I'm just some shallow teenage girl who cares about appearances and rankings and popularity etc. and maybe I am.

Maybe I'm just shallow.

Sigh. This is turning out to be such a depressing blog post but I don't really care. Oh well.

You know what I hate?? When the insides if your eyelids get itchy. You just keep blinking because scratching it is out of the question, but blinking doesn't have much friction due to all the eyeball juices keeping my eyes moisturized.

Moisturized is such a weird word doeeeeeeeeeeeeee. So is doee. So is so.

Sosiso.

Zozizo.

X-O-X-O.

Let's go--wait no.

Ah mo~ IKOU!

Bed time, deshou?

Tired IX

My legs are slowly dying. Same goes for my neck. And shoulders. I slept in till about 11:30am and have been groggy ever since. But I had fun and watched lots of anime, started reading Cinder (finally) and have a tiny headache that is not unbearable, but very annoying. I took a weird fall on my last run yesterday and I'm probably still aching from that but trust me when I say that the pain was so worth it.

I fell when I hit a lump of slush (I couldn't see with rain drops covering my goggles) and flipped backwards, down the mountain, maybe once or twice and then got right up out of the tumble and kept moving.

It was SO AWESOME!

And so concludes my slice.

I'm way too tired for creative today. =_=''

Tired VIII

COUGH COUGH COUGH ATTENTION PLEASE---

Okay. So, on March 21, 2014, HTHS had it's semi-formal dance. It was supposedly "spy-themed" (read it as "black and white" themed) and trust me, it was the bomb. AND a certain most beautiful Nora (-gami? YESH!) got to make it and it was just....

PURE AWESOMENESS!!

I mean, it could have been better. Some people I wish were there weren't there, and some people I wish weren't there were there but over all the night was goooooooooooooooooooooood. <(^~^<) hehe

Speaking of people I don't like, there is this one kid, okay, who's thigh gap really, really, really pisses me off. Like, thigh gaps aren't bad or anything. I wish I had one for crying out loud. But see, when your fricking thigh gap is the same width as you left thigh, it becomes a problem. It's annoying and gross and unhealthy looking and truth be told?

It irks me.

Sigh. Well I'm tired so I will go now. BAIIIIII

Tired VII

I haven't been at all creative lately. My mind has been this blank slate that u can't write on. It's like it's surface is too seamlessly smooth that nothing of substance sticks to it, or maybe it's made of a very still liquid that only looks solid, but it isn't and I can't figure out why my ideas just keeping sinking and/or dissolving in it. Sigh. I'm not even gonna pre read that sentence. SCREW GRAMMATICAL ERRORS! MY BRAIN IS FRIED.

I want food. But I already ate. I'd love a lollipop though. A cherry tootsie roll pop. Mmmmm.

Sigh. I've been spouting random song lyrics in all sorts of languages and genres all night. I'm so tired. It's ridiculous. 

I've been so uncreative and tired that all I've been thinking are dumb, dark, and clichéd thoughts and those thoughts just keep on going and going and shuffling and repeating like some stupid playlist some kid made to annoy me. I just want to stop thinking and sleep but at the same time I don't want to sleep. I want to eat but I don't want to eat. I want company, but I like the peace and quiet.

WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME??? WHY AM I CONTRADICTING MYSELF??? WHERE IS MAYA WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING AND IS SURE OF EVERYTHING SHE DOES??? WHERE??????

Oh right, she never existed

I think I'll go to bed now and think about not thinking. 

>.<

Power V Tired VI

Not having power, or control over things is very uncomfortable. Like dealing with people can be very uncomfortable if you have a hard time predicting them. Or, like, my intelligence. Sometimes it's perfectly accurate and other times it's completely wrong. Or creativity. Dealing with one's own creativity is easy. You always have control over what you think. But when you have to be subjected to someone else creativity, it get's uncomfortable really fast.

Especially when you find yourself standing with your back to a canvas, watching as your friends take aim as they prepare to fling paint filled water balloons at your person.

This has never happened to me ever. I have no experience with this whatsoever. In fact, I'm pretty sure this has never happened to anyone I know. I'm just talking possibilities here.

But -PSYCHE- this post has nothing to do with that. In fact, I wasn't even gonna do a post on power. Actually I was, but I don't have much to write. Actually that's a lie. I have lots to write about. I just don't wanna post it here. Sigh.

I feel sick and my allergies are killing me, which sucks 'cause it's so nice out.

I miss the winter air.

Can't summer get here faster?

Why do trees have pollen, and why must I be affected?

TREES! GET IT STRAIGHT! MY NOSE DOES NOT WANT TO MATE WITH YOU!

I'm tired.

Gnite~

Tired V and Favorites IV and Power IV

Headaches are definitely the worse thing on the planet. If it were scientifically possible to induce a headache, it would definitely be used as a torture device. Actually I take that back. 

Hiccups are the worst.

However right now I have the worst headache ever so it's only natural I would over look hiccups for the time being. The fact that I haven't eaten or dranken (drinken? drunken? lol not the last one) for a while and have been stuck in a small area crowded with bodies for the past three hours doesn't help me much either, but let me tell you. This son of a gun hurts like ever.

(Like how I didn't curse there?)

Anyways, here I am, smelling like chinese take out, devouring soup by the quart, and typing at light speed just so I can have a sleep over with the friends I haven't had a sleep over with in forever. (Or what feels like it anyway.)

WHY DO I NOT KNOW HOW TO TYPE WITH MORE THEN THREE FINGERS PER HAND???? WHAT IS THIS BLASPHEMY????

Ohhhhhh my head hurtsssssssss.

Well, I'm groaning and moaning and complaining out load and I can tell that Milan is about to get sick of me so I think I'll stop (for a little bit). See, I've been invited to loads of stuff over the years, but never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER HAVE I EVER rushed my writing in at the last minute for the sake of said invitation. 

You know you're one of the favorites if I do that much for you.

I don't have favorites.

Oh the power of favorites!! When someone is your favorite, you will do almost anything for them. (Please note the "almost" in that sentence.) You will cosplay in the most embarrassing costumes ever, try some of the strangest (and not necessarily safe) experiments, let them fricking punch your boob for doing something stupid, and share just about all your clothes. You will eat their food and take their money and not say a thing when the same happens to you, and you will listen to them complain about their ex for hours on end even if you knew the guy was rotten from the start. You will do just about anything sane (and insane) for your favorite people, and that's perfectly fine. It's normal. Which is why it's totally normal for me to be killing my brain cells with this headache as I try to get as much of my thoughts out before taking a thirty second shower (hair and everything, trust me it's possible) and grabbing all your stuff before rushing out of the house and driving across town just to spend a night with these people.

(Note to all english teachers or other passerby who read that last sentence and understood nothing. My apologies for my grammatical  incorrectness. I'm kind of rushing right now.)

Good god I'm tired. Watch me stay up till six am, talking and laughing and chatting all night.

Note: I wrote this post in yellow so that it's hard on your eyes and gives you a headache too.

My apologies for the font color. Please feel free to highlight the text, so as to read this post better. :)

Tired IV and Reading III and Music VII and Anime

I get home and BAM, I realize five million things that are wrong with me. My right eye is completely swollen, or at least feels like it. Swollen and dry. Probably from the chlorine that got in it this morning. And then theres this awful pulling, pinching, hurting feeling behind my left knee, like where that tendon (I think) is. And I'm limping because of said feeling. And then I have a kink in my neck, which pops when I turn to see if the pain behind my knee is caused by external forces, which makes the entire side of my neck, collar, and jaw go warm, fuzzy, then numb.

And I'm hungry.

That's the worst part of it all.

Talk about some way to start off the weekend/month/slice of life/night. I'm covered in sticky sweat from the too bright, too hot lights at work, and my stomach growls uncomfortably at the smell of soup and chicken.

"I'm home~" I say loud enough to be heard by the whole house.

Silence.

I mean it's sort of expected by this point. The Iditaread (Iditarod plus read. Get it? Haha.) has been going on for a couple of days and every year the Ghosh children go into zombie mode. Indy's somewhere in the living room reading Eragon and Milan is... I think he's reading manga between the folds of some chapter book from school, the cheater. So it's normal, especially this time of year, for my household to be silent like the grave. 

That saying really confuses me. "Silent like the grave". Who said graves were silent? What if the dead are making noises when you aren't there to hear it?? Hm? What then? And what about the sounds made by bugs and animals scratching and crawling around, over, under, into said grave? That about those noises? Same thing with "zombie mode" actually. People say zombies are brainless, thoughtless, dumb, etc., but what if they are actually the smartest beings on the planet? Maybe that's why no one ever sees them or knows they exist. 'Cause they're amazing at hiding. Like mermaids. 

Let's get back to now though. 

So here I am trying to write something decent, but the power of the internet... It's overpowering. It really is. I ended up doing multiple searches for other albums or singles or ANYTHING else by Hello Sleepwalkers (an awesome JRock band who I love) other than Goya no Machiawase, which is the opening to Noragami which is pretty badass itself. AND I PREVAILED. THEY CAME OUT WITH A NEW ALBUM LAST WEEK. I'M IN HEAVEN. But I can't download it yet. And so I will cry.

Unfortunately, however, I can't cry out of my right eye because it's still puffy and dry, and bloodshot now to top it off. I'm tired, sore, and mentally exhausted. A nap is in order. I'll wake up in a few hours to do the rest of my french homework. Maybe.

おやすみ (Oyasumi) ~

Tired III

Okay. So I've started babysitting/tutoring my mother's, friend's, middle son. It's one of the most tiring things I have ever done. So after waking up insanely early to catch my bus and enduring a whole day of school (forgetting my ramen nonetheless-god, was I pissed), I barely have time to change out of my disgusting clothes before I have to run to Staples and find out how much it is to buy a pack of 10 tab dividers, 5 tab dividers, a new binder, and a pack of pencils. Then I have to rush right back out to go and get my youngest brother from school (the other one had soccer practice) and then walking ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE EAST HALF OF TOWN to get to my students house where, surprise surprise, he was not. Misunderstandings, miscommunications, a few people got a little forgetful an hour here, two hours there, and BOOM! I lose three, perfectly good, homework hours running around town, annoying little brother in tow. Sigh. And on top of all of that, I'm still not done with my Biology Objectives due tomorrow at midnight, and our teams One Page Magazine project still hadn't been finalized, much less uploaded, and that was due TONIGHT!! Today has been a whirlwind of work, with me running around like a headless chicken trying to finish everything. Literally running around. My god. 

And yet, in the end, everything turned out alright anyway, which made it feel like all that worry and heartache was for NOTHING! Life is cruel! I feel so used. Well, we submitted the One Pg Mag, I got a high A on the last Software Apps Project, and finished everything else with enough time to blog about it. Praise me. Thank you.

Now I really should be tired. I should be exhausted to the bone. I should feel like collapsing on my bed and blacking out immediately from all the work I've done today.

Instead I feel completely exhilarated. If I could fly I think I'd climb to the top of the tallest building in the area (Empire State Building), and take off, letting the high up winds push me along as I wallowed in the glory of completion and accomplishment. Oh the joy one gets from finishing homework. 

Alright. I'm gonna go to bed now. Good night peeps. Can't wait for school tomorrow!!....maybe. 

Tired II

Lately, I've been exhausted. Maybe it's the weather, the lack of stimuli, or just the fact that it's summer vacation, but I've been going to sleep earlier then ever, taking mini naps at any hour, and resting most of the day. I'm too young to go to the beach without my parents (or anywhere else for that matter), and Mama and Papa are always busy. My brothers are like crazy animals and deserve to be placed in the zoo, and truthfully, I just don't have the energy to do anything about anything. So I'm just doing homework (a despicable word in my opinion) and blogging like a dork.

Isn't my life beautiful.

Tired

You know those days when you're really lazy and don't feel like moving or doing any work and that you feel that if you have to do anything you hope it has something to do with hanging out with your friends? Well, today's that kind of day. I'm running out of juice to help my writing and my eyes hurt from staring at the screen to no avail. And you know how when you sleep to long and you finally wake up you feel even more tired then you did last night and you just want to go back to bed but you can't because either you don't know how to get back to a sleep state of mind or you know that you'll just be even more tired than you are then, so you just walk around all day feeling tired until someone forces you to do something that will get your blood pumping? Today's like that, too. Yesterday was crazy. I woke up way early, then went to some inter-district-school-field-day-thing for all the incoming freshman in our area. After school I had two hours of dance, during which we did mostly jumps, turns, and stretch. And then later I was invited to go iceskating with some of my friends for the two hour open skate. Throughout this whole ordeal I didn't give a second thought about how my muscles would pay, and today is my punishment.

I feel like dead jello.